Tikki
14th July 2005, 08:02 PM
Baby Photographer
The Johnson's were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to
arrive, Mr. Johnson kissed his wife and said, " I'm off; the man should be
here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to .."
" Oh, no need to explain. Come in, " Mrs. Johnson cut in.
" Really ? " the photographer asked. " Well, good! My specialty is
babies."
" That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment, she asked, blushing, " Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bath-tub,
one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes, the living
room floor is fun too . you can really spread out!"
Wife - " Bath-tub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one ever
time.
But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - " My, my, that's a lot of action."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but, you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure."
Wife ( muttering ) - " Don't I know it."
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
Wife - "Oh my god!!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep, pushing to get a good look."
Wife - "Four and five deep?" Her eyes widened in amazement.
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate! Then,
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
possums began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife ( leaning forward ) - "You mean they actually chewed on your errrm.
equipment?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tri-pod so that we can get to work."
Wife - "Tri-pod?"
Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tri-pod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? ... Madam ..?
Good Lord, she's fainted!"
The Johnson's were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to
arrive, Mr. Johnson kissed his wife and said, " I'm off; the man should be
here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to .."
" Oh, no need to explain. Come in, " Mrs. Johnson cut in.
" Really ? " the photographer asked. " Well, good! My specialty is
babies."
" That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment, she asked, blushing, " Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bath-tub,
one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes, the living
room floor is fun too . you can really spread out!"
Wife - " Bath-tub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one ever
time.
But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - " My, my, that's a lot of action."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but, you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure."
Wife ( muttering ) - " Don't I know it."
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
Wife - "Oh my god!!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep, pushing to get a good look."
Wife - "Four and five deep?" Her eyes widened in amazement.
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate! Then,
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
possums began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife ( leaning forward ) - "You mean they actually chewed on your errrm.
equipment?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tri-pod so that we can get to work."
Wife - "Tri-pod?"
Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tri-pod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? ... Madam ..?
Good Lord, she's fainted!"