How to speak New Zealand [Archive]

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Phil Spencer

30th May 2005, 08:53 PM

How to speak New Zealand

say out loud for full effect!<O:p</O:p

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Milburn - capital of Victoria

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Peck - to fill a suitcase

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****** aside - chemical which kills insects

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Pigs - for hanging out washing with

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Pump - to act as agent for prostitute

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Pug - large animal with a curly tail

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Nin tin dough - computer game

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Munner stroney - soup

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Min - male of the species

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Mess Kara - eye makeup

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McKennock - person who fixes cars

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Mere - Mayor

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Leather - foam produced from soap

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Lift - departed

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Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman

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Kittle crusps - potato chips

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Ken's - Cairns

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Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim

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Jungle Bills - Christmas carol

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Inner me - enemy

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Guess - vapour

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Fush - marine creatures

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Fitter cheney - type of pasta

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Ever cardeau - avocado

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Fear hear - blonde

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Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen

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Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym

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Duffy cult - not easy

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Amejen - visualise

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Day old chuck - very young poultry

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Bug hut - popular recording

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Bun button - been bitten by insect

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Beard - a place to sleep

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Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers

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Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline

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Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests

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Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden

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One Doze - well known computer program

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Brudge - structure spanning a stream

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Sex - one less than sivven

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Tin - one more than nine

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Iggs Ecktly - Precisely

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Earplane - large flying machine

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Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport

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Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft

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Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft

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Cuds - children

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Pits - domestic animals

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Cuttin - baby cat

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Munce - usually served on toast

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boban

30th May 2005, 09:03 PM

:D

Tears of laughter, thank you mate. That was choice bro.

Phil Spencer

30th May 2005, 09:10 PM

:D

Tears of laughter, thank you mate. That was choice bro.
Most of my jokes won't let on they are too blue.

Driver

30th May 2005, 09:16 PM

You've left out the other important one: the famous NZ horse that came over to Oz, won a lot of races and then went to the US and died.

The Kiwi that brought him to Oz had a really strong InZid accent. He told the bloke who bought him that the horse's name was Philip. The Aussie thenceforth called the horse Phar Lap.

Phil Spencer

30th May 2005, 09:19 PM

Harry72

31st May 2005, 02:39 AM

See if you cun wurk thez oit mot.

Zubaree dobal ur ix
Buttol ov zurss mot

Watch the Hi octane vids and you will guess them(sorry... gusz'em).

Ashore

31st May 2005, 02:50 AM

tin cints - coin worth a dina

Phil Spencer

31st May 2005, 09:08 AM

See if you cun wurk thez oit mot.

Zubaree dobal ur ix
Buttol ov zurss mot

Watch the Hi octane vids and you will guess them(sorry... gusz'em).
?;)

RufflyRustic

31st May 2005, 09:42 AM

Geez Phil

You've just made me homesick. Bin here 20+ years and still muss the griien griien griss of hame.

Cheers
RufflyRustic

Iain

31st May 2005, 01:29 PM

One gumboot is a Ewe Boot??? :D

Daddles

31st May 2005, 03:21 PM

I attended a conference years ago where the guest speaker stood up and, in his introduction, welcomed all the NZ attendees. Then he pointed out he was married to a Kiwi and used to struggle with her accent until one day the answer dawned on him - Kiwis only have four vowells - e, e, e and e :D

Cheers
Richard

Harry72

31st May 2005, 10:47 PM

?;) Zubaree dobal ur ix - Subaru WRX
Buttol ov zurss mot - Bottle of sauce mate(as pass it over here)

wolfman

12th July 2005, 03:45 AM

Pussed me punts liffen!

:) :)

:D :D

Dave

Driver

12th July 2005, 11:49 AM

Q: What's a Hindu?

A: Lies iggs, bro.

JDarvall

12th July 2005, 12:33 PM

So, honey, how would you like it ?

sucks please

:confused: :confused: ...oh.... :rolleyes: righto,,,,,$20 bucks thanks, seems hardly worth my while though......shore you don't won't the works, just cost ya another hundred ?

yeh,,,,,,, sucks please....

:confused: :confused:

Daddles

12th July 2005, 01:22 PM

Stop picking on the kiwis - THEY CAN'T HELP IT.

Richard
and their sheep understand them.

wolfman

13th July 2005, 05:55 AM

Baaaaair

;) :D

Life is like a box of router bits "they both go round" DOH

gatiep

14th July 2005, 04:16 PM

joseph84

14th July 2005, 10:48 PM

i seriously cant stop laughing!!

JDarvall

15th July 2005, 08:59 AM

It's pretty obvious from the previous that the Aussies havn't heard themselves like us "foreigners" hear them. ( Just as funny marone moron ) :D :D :D :D (Or like the foreigners would say maroon moron )

ohhh, now look whos getting cheeky,,,eh,,,,,,,things definetly are getting pretty bloody fiece when somebody starts using the 'm' word.........ya, nasty pasty.

;)

rsser

15th July 2005, 06:46 PM

... Oz rugby team fly over to play in UnZud. Outside their hotel, overnight, a bit of graffiti appears on an advertising hoarding: "Australia sucks". Next day an enterprising Oz player gets out early and sprays underneath it "NZ five".

Tikki

15th July 2005, 11:23 PM

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zilland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the hilth munister here. Sorry to bother you et thus hour but there es un emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex factory en Auckland has burned to the ground.
It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

"Shuuuuuut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!" We're going to hef to shup some en from road...Britain?..."

No chence!! The Poms wull have a field day on thus one!"

"What about Australia?"

Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck. You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long and four enches thuck! Thet way they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need.
Three days later a van arrives in Auckland - full of boxes. A delighted Helen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 inches long; 4 inches thick, all coloured green and gold. She then notices in small writing on each and every one

MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM

(From one of our esteemed male BB members)

JDarvall

15th July 2005, 11:36 PM

Brilliant !!!!! ..... God, it was hard work understanding that.....but it was spot on the accent alright....though, I don't know Tikki.....someone might sensor it ? ......hope not.

joseph84

18th July 2005, 10:48 PM

loved it Tikki ;)

boban

18th July 2005, 11:05 PM

Oh bugger, I must be an XXXXS.............

Iain

19th July 2005, 08:12 AM

Oh bugger, I must be an XXXXS.............
But they wear them as beanies................duckhids

doug the slug

20th July 2005, 10:17 PM

Brilliant !!!!! ..... God, it was hard work understanding that.....but it was spot on the accent alright....though, I don't know Tikki.....someone might sensor it ? ......hope not.
Who would want to sensor a work of art like that, well done tikki, i tried to send you another greenie but i cant yethttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon14.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon14.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gif

Doug