OK I'll go second...

[Zed]

When I log onto this bbs I get the feeling / throbbing frodo and sam gamgee get when they get the "love you" look on thier fizzes on LOTR ...

kiss kiss...........



friggin hobbits...

[silentC]

Jesus Zed, you don't plug one of those virtual reality love suits in when come online do you?

I feel so dirty.....

[bitingmidge]

I think he's been smoking fishhhhhhhhhh again!

P :D

[Christopha]

Zed, Maaaaate, WHAT have you been baking into those muffins mate?????
:eek:

[Grunt]

I knew Zed has the hots for Al but now I'm thinking he wants us all. Backs to the wall boys.

He also wants to frig hobbits. Strange Ape that one.

:D

[ozwinner]

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/dvv/cwmddd.gif

[bitingmidge]

:p

[echnidna]

Move aside Al, Midge has the hots for Zed !!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[graemet]

Just as well you've got those spines, Bob.

[NewLou]

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr I don't think i'll come to this part of the forum again :eek:

[ozwinner]

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr I don't think i'll come to this part of the forum again :eek:
Jealous??

Al :D

[Grunt]

Yeah, I heard that NewLou likes to monkey around.

[vsquizz]

Will someone get the apeman some pancakes please? (Banana of course)

Cheers

[NewLou]

Uummmmmmmmm..................OK OK I get it................Its all coming to me now :rolleyes: you were in PuLp FicTion Weren't You ZED ?????

:eek::eek::eek:

................N Grunt n Al are your GIMPS:D:D:D:D:D

[Harry72]

Nope thats just normal Zed!

[ozwinner]

................N Grunt n Al are your GIMPS:D:D:D:D:D
Sure!! :confused:
If it helps you like me.....:confused:

Al :confused:

[NewLou]

http://www.ubeaut.biz/scared2.gif

[Iain]

http://www.bahamascope.net/community/images/smilies/new_smilies_18.gif

[Bob Willson]

This thread has a sickening American schmaltzy feeling to it. Bleeeech

[echnidna]

http://www.bahamascope.net/community/images/smilies/new_smilies_18.gif

That looks like little Johnnie

[ryanarcher]

This thread has a sickening American schmaltzy feeling to it. Bleeeech

I think that's how this whole forum got started :D.

[Iain]

That looks like little Johnnie
I never noticed but how right you are, and who is he pandering to, George Dubya?

[Zed]

I was just trying to say you lot are a barrel of laughs.....

besides have you noticed the homosexual looks sam and frodo give each other ????? every time frodo wakes up in a bed and sam is standing over him for instance... or the bit where they talk about how all the little kiddies will want to hear about "brave frodo" or couragious sam" etc... I mean seriously i aint a gay basher but fark!!! what was peter jackson thinking ?

[NewLou]

http://www.ubeaut.biz/jawdrop.gif

[E. maculata]

Zed, what's a homosexual look?, can u please explain this to us :)

[Zed]

Zed, what's a homosexual look?, can u please explain this to us :)

just visit oxford street mate, you'll see hundreds of 'em...

[E. maculata]

A workmate took me to Oxford street 4 yr ago to look at 2 old chainsaws in a window display, funny sorta shop all the protective gear was made outa leather with metallic studs all over it.
Didn't see any "homosexual looks" tho'.

Very nice young lady behind the counter gave me some "strange looks" when I asked how much for the pair of "solo rexs'" in the window :eek:

[Bob Willson]

Day One

Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King.

Stubble update: satisfactory.

Day Two

Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were. Got v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I went on where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decided not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas. He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King.

Day Three

Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. That's all I'm sayin.'

Day Four

Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was forced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gandalf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for pointy hat trick.

Day Six

In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, "Are you King here? Last time I checked, I was King here. I'm lookin' around and I don't see anyone else with a crown on his head. Eh? Eh?"

Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King.

In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for Gimli and Legolas.

Day Seven

Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning even self on.

Day Nine

Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favorite sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thing as bad jewelry. Well, maybe Ring.

Stubble update: wet.

Day Twelve

Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed to be reminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been "You're late" or could have been "Throw me down and shag me rotten." Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.

Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood. Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really.

Day Fourteen

Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so ******. Perhaps this place has a side door.

Day Fourteen, Later

Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist us. Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die looking at something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, "It's unbelievable!" about elf army. Was forced to agree --it is unbelievable that Haldir's eyebrows do not match his weave.

Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere. Will never be King at this rate.

Day Fifteen

Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads:

Dear Aragorn,

Thanks for the Ring and the hobbits. They are small, but v. bendy. Just what I always wanted! Still have fond memories of that night we spent together in Minas Tirith. Love and kisses, Faramir.

God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Still not King.

[Groggy]

Day One

Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not King.

Stubble update: satisfactory.


Bwahahahaha, love it!

[journeyman Mick]

Bob,
:D :D :D

Mick

[outback]

Gees Bob, where'd ya drag that from. :D Struck down with coffee on monitor syndrome reading it. :D

[Bob Willson]

And another one. :)

Day One: Whee!

Day Two: I like to run!

Day Three: I look good when I run!

Day Four: I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?

Day Six: Is Gimli staring at my butt?

Day Seven: No wonder he's always lagging behind.

Day Eight: Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.

Am still the prettiest.

Day Nine: Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.

Still prettiest.

Day Ten: Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.

Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.

Day Eleven: Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it.

Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing.

Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?

Day Twelve: Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week.

Note to self: never date Gandalf.

Day Fifteen: Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.

Not the prettiest! V. bitter.


Day Nineteen: Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps.

Day Twenty: Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.

Day Twenty-seven: Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again!

Day Twenty-nine: Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."

Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.

Day Twenty-Nine: Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave.

On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever.

Day Thirty Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.

Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true.

No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!