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RETIRED
14th January 2005, 08:48 PM
Engineers

You know you're an engineer:
If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 24X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero *** <----- ***
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string bag
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first colour TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colours, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your chequebook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:// stands for
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

Sturdee
14th January 2005, 09:07 PM
As quite a few apply to me I must be a fantastic engineer. :D :D :D :D

I think quite a few would apply to most of us. Especially the one about having more "toys" than your kids. :D

Peter.

Gumby
14th January 2005, 09:58 PM
Engineers


If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie


You're NOT the messiah, you're a VERY NAUGHTY BOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RETIRED
14th January 2005, 10:27 PM
You're NOT the messiah, you're a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

What? Another illusion shattered. :(

vsquizz
14th January 2005, 11:09 PM
"ooohh look, its a Juniper bush....its a miracle"

Gumby
15th January 2005, 07:59 AM
go and boil your bottoms you sons of a window dresser !
I fart in your general direction..............

ozwinner
15th January 2005, 08:09 AM
Ill have two bags of gravel, and two large rocks please.


Al :D

Iain
15th January 2005, 07:53 PM
All right, I am the F****** Messiah, whatever that means :rolleyes:
(and for Al, Eee won't Aggle?)

vsquizz
15th January 2005, 08:21 PM
Back in days gone by I did a long overseas deployment. It seemed the only video we had in the engineers mess was YellowBeard. "Stagger Stagger..crawl...crawl..stagger" It went on forever. The saving Grace is the movie featured Marty Feldman and John Cleese. "Its-a-Crocodile" yep, can recite just about the entire movie.

Cheers

scooter
15th January 2005, 09:35 PM
"If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run "

My version of this is vegetating, cogitating, and otherwise procrastinating on an idea for at least 6 monhs; then learning more, achieving more, and overcoming problems quicker by making up a working "prototype" in about 30 mins. This rough proto then serves as the finished product as I rarely get around to making the pretty version.

Some contamination in the gene pool I guess...


Cheers..............Sean the vegetating carnivore :cool:

gold leader
15th January 2005, 09:45 PM
"I happen to have a vewwy good fwiend named Biggus Dickuss

QldWoodie
15th January 2005, 10:17 PM
Why is this post under "Jokes" ?


Qw

AlexS
15th January 2005, 11:08 PM
I thought this was written about me...then realised it was actually written about my daughter! (who really is an engineer.)

ozwinner
16th January 2005, 08:36 AM
Why is this post under "Jokes" ?


Qw
Whampwoooooo!! wrong!!
Thats not a Python quote.

Al :confused:

bitingmidge
16th January 2005, 08:58 AM
I think it is really, "post" is clearly a metaphor for "parrot".


P :D

Iain
16th January 2005, 05:14 PM
I think it is really, "post" is clearly a metaphor for "parrot".


P :D
Only a Norwegian Blue :rolleyes: ;) :p

Gingermick
13th March 2005, 04:29 PM
The optomist says the glass is half full,

The pessamist says the glass is half empty,

And the Engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Harry72
13th March 2005, 05:00 PM
The optomist says the glass is half full,

The pessamist says the glass is half empty,

And the Engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. And if your a realist like me you'd say... "hang on" gulg glug glug burp "its your shout".

Kev Y.
14th March 2005, 07:51 AM
The glass is always full.. half full of liquid and half full of air! so does that make me an optomistic pessimsit or a pessimistic optomist?