WIVES AND WOOD - stories

[reeves]

One of the entertaining things i have found about these forums is the comment about ones wives, wood and tool aquaistion.

I can relate to lot of it and the SWMBO terms used.

Does anyone have any comments, stories, ancedotes or wisdom to add to this topic.

Please do.

regards
john

[Zed]

Does nay have any comments, stories, ancedotes or wisdom to add to this topic.





answer : "yes" :D

[Zed]

seriously (no... really).... :D

i get mrs chimp to do some of my buying for me. bunnies attendants, wood store attendants, toolware attendants all think they can pull one over her - considering she's "hot" (no I wont post a photo) this only makes her job easier.... when she says "My husband said it has to be size 20 bisquits, im sure no 10 wont do... can I have a discount...???" its all "yes mrs chimp can I help you some more ????" I've watched her from a distance get me a $15 discount on a new $45 stanley block plane where the best I could do was $5 off.

its pretty good methinks....

[ozwinner]

seriouslyconsidering she's "hot" (no I wont post a photo) this only makes her job easier.... when she says "My husband said it has to be size 20 bisquits, im sure no 10 wont do... can I have a discount...???" its all "yes mrs chimp can I help you some more ????" I've watched her from a distance get me a $15 discount on a new $45 stanley block plane where the best I could do was $5 off.

its pretty good methinks....
First of all, congratulations.
Second refer Mrs Momkey to the Fire puterouterer thread.
Third, you pimp of a chimp.

Al :D

[Zed]

whats the "fireputerouterer" thread "oh ancient mexican pedler of maniquins and assorted crud" ?

no need to congratulate me - i know I dont deserve mrs chimp, I aint no tarzan but be she be jane. every time I look mate, every time I look.... :) :cool: :p


isnt it about time we discussed pancakes again ?

[ozwinner]

Well HEllllloooooo Jane.... hubba hubba, pass the banana...LMAO....you are a very silly monkey....

fireputerouterer. Fire extigusher, huh? you know, fireputerouterer

Al. :confused:

[Cliff Rogers]

...any comments, stories, ancedotes or wisdom to add to this topic....
Yup, last Christmas, no, the one before last, I had a "router table" on my Christmas list... she got me a Triton Router Table STAND!!!! :rolleyes:

Oh well said I, read the http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?t=6106&highlight=router+table thread & made my own.

I did MUCH better this year, I got a very good pair of Gerber 9x63 Binoculars, now I have to make a stand for them. :D

[vsquizz]

SWMBO occaisionally has a look at a few threads. She likes the photos of stuff best. She generally reads a bit, shakes her head and says "your all very sick puppies":D

At least I can blame Cliff when she springs me on the wicked weasel website.

She got me another Stanley Tool Chest for christmas, although she gave it to me in November when we took down the last shed :( . I'd be totally stuffed without them.

Cheers

[Cliff Rogers]

...I can blame Cliff when she springs me on the wicked weasel website....
That'd be right... blame me. :D Guess what my favourite redhead got for Christmas???? :cool:

Nope, not the wicked weasel. :rolleyes:

I did a flying visit to a lady's undies shop, I was out like a shot with a catlledog under my arm. :o Then I had to find somewhere to read it so I didn't get busted by her, the blokes at work or the cops.:eek:
Have you EVER tried to work out the technocaluties of sizes & options on lady's undies. Struth. :confused: They have numbers AND letters.

Squizz, you are worried about getting sprung looking at scantily clad sheilas on a website, mate, try looking through ya wife's undie drawer for sizes. :eek: F'n nerve rack'n I can tell you.... & let me tell you something ELSE from experience.... the F'n things are different F'n sizes from different F'n manuF'nfacturers.:mad:

I gets a brainwave.... I tells her that one of her friends has ask me to find out her cloths sizes so they can buy her something for Christmas & I don't have a clue 'cos I don't do the wash'n or iron'n... :cool: She's buys it, (I think the last bit REALY sold it...) "It depends" she says... "On what" says I... weeeelllllll F' me... to cut a long story short... I was given a range of sizes AND, knowing a LITTLE bit about a women's ego, I err'd on the small size.;)

Anyway, needless to say, they were a BIG hit & I scored bulk brownie points.:D

One more tip, once you have the Size (numbers & letters) Style, Colour, & options all worked out, ring up & ask if they have them in stock & if they don't ask them to look up the computer to see who does, that way you only have to go back inside the bludy shop once & you don't have to hang around like a stale bottle of P while they find what you are looking for. :)

Well, we didn't REALLY hijack the thread, much, we just changed it from Wives & Wood to Wives & Undies. :rolleyes:

[silentC]

A few years ago, I'd been hinting to my missus that I'd like a router. One Fathers Day, or maybe it was my birthday, she walked into Hardware House (now Bunnings) and walked out with a Makita 3612C, a Triton router table and a Triton stand. I didn't even ask for the table, so I'm buggered if I know how she came up with it. She reckoned she had at least 3 marriage proposals while she was in there ;)

[reeves]

Hey enterianing responses guys, keep em coming.

Zed, i undertand where u r coming from, my wife is pretty hot ( definaltey no fotos) but sharp and has gottem me some nice deals on accasion when i have asked her to pick something up. Alos a few tratgics, like ' darling i got the GMC dremel for yr birthdays as it was the same as the REAL brand but had heaps more bits added...)

anywa sexactly how hot is yr wife..

SilentC, good story mate.

I can add a minor antedote about my beloved wife who often complains about

too much wood aorund the house
NOt earning any money form the money spent on tools
i enjoy woodwork but am no good at it !!!
anytime the table saw or other power tools fire up near the house

and then has alist of things she wants built thats stops me building anything else for a while, and doe snot want it to cost anything for wood, tools or sandpaper.

As in, whay dont u take upa hobby like mine, ( spinning wool) that costs very little.

Still i bet few of us would wanna do without her.

cheeeeeeeers

cheeeeeeers

[barnsey]

I seem to spend an aweful lot of time making things to restore the brownie points :eek:

But it works - although I recently got the message - "Why do we need another bowl" :eek:

Well if this one is nicer than one we already use we can swap it and sell the old one after I refinish it :p

Now that's really a pink dress/blue dress response but one of them goes off to the market and I still get the brownie points for thinking of her ;)

[Iain]

Cliff, ladies undies and things are easy, I go into the bra shop and ask for a number 7 1/2, it's the same size as my hat and it fits one perfectly.
Apart from that I just spent close on $10K on a new horse float which gives me the OK to buy a new $1000.00 drum sander, but for some reason I am in front.
Theres some logic there somewhere :confused:

[reeves]

Cliff that story is scary, i dunno why but i admire yr tenacity.

I learnt long ago to stay out of my wifes undies, when she is not wearing them anyway..

cheeeeers

[rsser]

My sainted 'significant other' (as the yanks say about your live-in squeeze) heard me grizzling about the cheap chinese chuck that wouldn't hold a prize piece of Oz flowering cherry crotch (no cracks pls!) and told me firmly to go out and buy a decent chuck on her.

Apart from that, my turning makes it easy for her to figure out what to get for Xmas and birthdays - a home-made voucher for a turning blank of my choice :)

[Pete J]

Well -


Some time ago my significant other said we needed a new spice rack in the kitchen because the one we had was too small to accommodate all the bottles.
Just yesterday, I completed a new rack based very much on the existing rack but wider and with an extra deeper shelf to accommodate the larger spice bottles. It was done on the quiet over a few days as a surprise and put up in the morning while she was at work. As she now works only a couple of k away, she came home for lunch and was given a bottle of spice wrapped up as a present (strange sort of present she must have thought!).

I said there was another present which she would find sooner or later, but in the manner of being stable blind, she didn't notice the new rack. My son then guided her with the "you are getting warmer/colder" scheme until she was standing in front of it. And then -

she carefully scanned all the bottles on the rack to see if there was another new spice!

Struth!

[scooter]

... a prize piece of Oz flowering cherry crotch (no cracks pls!) ...

Aw, come on, I couldn't decide which tacky tack to take first...

You're killing me, man....


Cheers...........Sean, who lives in a ticky tacky box

[John Saxton]

Firstly I'M allowed to use the VISA but only if'n I can provide the ever expandin' for Christmas list from Victoria's Secret.

But in achievin' the sometimes impossible, a little license is given and it's off to Lee Valley/Lie Nielsen :) to gain some other nice goodies that 'Er In doors is happy to concede :eek: :eek: :eek: .

Such as the Low Angle Jack plane with the optional high angle blade that arrived today.
NOW wait for WW111 to start when the she spots the invoice for the card :o

Brownie points are gonna need some boostin' afta this but with a new king size bed on the go in the shop I kinda hope this'll get me thru.

Cheers :)

[RETIRED]

Brownie points are gonna need some boostin' afta this but with a new king size bed on the go in the shop I kinda hope this'll get me thru.

2 singles might be needed John? :D :D

[John Saxton]

2 singles might be needed John? :D :D


It's known as the Doghouse, suitably located ouback and attached to my shed but also comes complete with fridge and appropriate facilities to accommodate sooooooo if'n I'm a gonna be in the poo I'm gonna do my hard time in some modicom of comfort.

Cheers :)

[RETIRED]

It's known as the Doghouse, suitably located ouback and attached to my shed but also comes complete with fridge and appropriate facilities to accommodate sooooooo if'n I'm a gonna be in the poo I'm gonna do my hard time in some modicom of comfort.

Cheers :)
Mines called a motorhome. :D

[John Saxton]

, you have means of escape....now if'n only I can get me meathooks onna that there Visa ...err long enuff!! ;) to escape to a Melbourne WW show!

Cheers :)

[reeves]

heheh good posts guys.

I am currnbelty up on Brownie points with the new Skien rack for SWMBO's hand spun wool.

Now she wishes for a Swift, a complicated looking device for winding wool...

unfortunlatey the hardware ban is still on but i am sneeling some smaller purchases thorugh such as chuck jaw and cheape rlathe tools...

onward we go..!

[Iain]

, you have means of escape....now if'n only I can get me meathooks onna that there Visa ...err long enuff!! ;) to escape to a Melbourne WW show!

Cheers :)
Would something along these lines help? After you have sleazed off unnoticed.
Mrs S, we have abducted John and if you do not forward your Visa details you will not see him again.
Signed, Anon.

Mmmm, maybe there is a chance that this could backfire then we would have to look after you.