Sad cricket riddles

[Carry Pine]

From this morning's SMH. All sad, about Australian cricket:

[Shrek3]

If we take sport seriously as national pride, then it can be heart breaking some time. World though becoming smaller, is becoming very complex at the same time. Too many factors to remain on the top all the time, imho. :C

[HazzaB]

Hey There,

It doesn't take long does it, I can remember Driving a Truck into Sydney the Day the Space Shuttle Exploded, It was a news Item on the 04.00 news and by 05.00 there were jokes coming over the CB.
thats the thing about Aussies, there always seems to be a Good side to everything,

HazzaB

[Ozkaban]

I remember there were a whole bunch that were levelled at the English only 5 years back. Like most jokes, it's a case of 'insert team name here'...

Oh, I am a cricket lover, and despair at the current state of affairs. Still, you can't stay on top for ever and maybe this will be a good chance to get rid of some complacency. Bring Steve Waugh back as a conultant - that guy never let up and has exactly the sort of commitment that has been missing since, well, since he retired... (why don't we have a full time fielding coach any more? How many dropped catches were in that last series?!?!)

The biggest joke so far:
Andrew Hilditch thinks he's done a good job. Maybe he can get preselection for NSW Labor at the next election???

Who spends the longest time on the crease of the Aussis Cricket Team?
The lady who irons the whites

Who has the easiest job in the Aus Cricket Team?
The guy who removes the red marks fthe cricket bats

I can't remeber the rest at the moment, so here's one that was circulated in 2006/7...

New Cricket rules for the upcoming Ashes.
===============================
Following the crushing defeat of Pakistan, the International Cricket Council has imposed a new set of rules for the up coming Ashes series

1) As a result, England has been granted an automatic wickie, freeing up wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the rule, Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball nicks their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule is a compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for automatic slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that "someone has to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."

2) In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out the word "wickets" when completing a run to make run out decsions by umpires easier.

3) Australian wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it goes across the road.

4) Instead of using a bat, Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm with his jumper wrapped around it.

5) New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are fielding, and the provision of "last man carries" when they are batting. Australian captain Steve Waugh has vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal. Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at either end.

6) The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to "can't get out first ten overs", but the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs gained would hardly be worth the effort.

7) A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".

8) The English medium pace bowler will also be allowed to wrap the ball's seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.

9) The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless "it is really, really obvious."

10) Shane Warne has conceded that its "fair enough" that he has to bowl underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.

11) If England decides that Harmison is to be given an over, the umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infinitessinately small.