One for the ladies.... may offend some guys

[gemi_babe]

MUST BE SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "I will Survive"

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches
Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent oh so many yrs
just waiting for a man that long,
That I Grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on. . .

But there you are,
Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac
and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known that it was bull****, Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans.

Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches
then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we' re only joking when we say size doesn't count.

(Chorus)
I will survive,
I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex,
I will survive,
I will survive. . .hey . hey

It took all my self control
not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner
standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's
and to hell with all your Needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin
for a cordless multispeed,

Go on now go,
Just Make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small was watching Gladstone run nude hash,
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.

Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick Dip it in tomato sauce.

(Chorus)
I will survive,
I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex,
I will survive,
I will survive. . .hey . hey

Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tockley at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go!

[Perthite]

I will survive my mid life crisis in spite of it all.......at two thirty in the morning its too hard (no pun intended) to think of a smart reply but i am sure some quicker minds than mine will say it how it really is..............

Good one...Gemi

[Rowan]

:eek: 10"...............hell I got 12" :D :D :D we are talking about saws arent we????

[craigb]

So you're saying size DOES matter ? :eek: :D

[Zed]

imnot offended - but how come you can write the word "bull****" and not get ****'ed
bull****
bull****
bull****
bull****
bull****
bull****
bull****
bull****
:D :D :D :D

[Zed]

bugger me! bull**** obviously aint a swear word, I think i'll bull**** more often...

besides theres so much bull**** on this forum that some more bull**** from me wont make any difference to the bull**** already here that you other bull******** bull**** with whilst bull******** this on this website.

:D

[Termite]

The great omniscient overlord of the forum will get you if you dont watch out, just like the little boy who kept poking the tiger in the eye. :D
Kind regards
Termite

[Christopha]

That's not a prick...
THIS is a prick!!!!!!

[Grunt]

Chris,

That's impressive. Must be a bit of a pain to put back in your pants though. Do you find it puts you off balance?

Grunt

[Christopha]

Me? Balanced?? What a ridiculous concept!
:confused: :confused: :confused:

[Alastair]

Christopha

Methinks we should complain to the moderators about this disgusting post, and have it removed before some poor blushing bloke is terminally scarred.

Alastair

[gemi_babe]

It seems the swearing police have caught up with the BS.;)

[Grunt]

Yeah Zed, you blew it. Now all of the can't use ******** we have to use ******** or ******** or ********. :D

[Termite]

To ZED.
Told ya so :D
Kind regards
Termite

[AlexS]

It's quite apparent that 'ants' is inappropriate language! As in bullants.

[DanP]

Surely we can't be so pathetic that we can't write those words (no point writing them) without someone being offended. We used to see those words relatively frequently on the board with no ill effect. Or are our illustrious overseers being a little overboard with the censorship?

I understand censoring the F and C words and several others but I think we might be getting a little limp wristed of late. :( I have seen far more offensive things on the board without any swearing. :eek:

Dan

Is this where I get zapped by lightning bolts? :rolleyes:

[RETIRED]

The auto censor kicks in on some words. :cool:

[Alastair]

Who programs the autocensor?

It was obvious that it was updated, following the '********' thread below.

Alastair

[RETIRED]

The Bossnot I

[DanP]

There are ways around autocensors, by putting 1's where the I's would be etc. These words are the one's being altered by the powers. What I'm asking is.. Is there a reason for the change in how strict we are, or are we just censoring because we can?

Dan

[RETIRED]

Gees! Why is everybody intent on trying to beat the system?

Can't you express an idea without having to stoop to gutter talk?

And before anyone calls me a prude or old fuddy-duddy, I can probably be cruder than all of you. I choose not to be on this board.

Out with the boys is okay but at a public meeting would you speak like this?

This is a public forum read by thousands a week. not a closed shop, treat it as such.

We do not censor for the sake of censoring. It is done in the name of decency and some sort of decorum which if I remember rightly was the subject of why modern kids have no respect or manners.

Maybe they follow their parents example?

[DanP]

,

I'm not referring to the use of expletives just for the sake of it. Sometimes (only sometimes) the use of minor swearing can greatly reinforce the point you are trying to make. It should always be in context and never over the top. If you check my past posts you will find that I live by this theme. I have rarely been edited and once had a post deleted that contained no swearing.

Please don't take what I say as disputing yours and Shane's right to wave the wand as the Mods/Admin's of the Board. A far as I'm concerned it's Neils board and we all use it gratefully for free. He makes the rules (as is his right) and he has seen fit to delegate the responsibility to you guys. You uphold his rules and do a stirling job (if thankless). I was just wondering about the change in attitude. I'm not asking you to justify yourself or anything you do.

For the record , Shane and most of all Neil (and Stuart Lees if you use the Orange Forum) THANKS for your time and effort, it is GREATLY appreciated.

Dan

P.S. If you want me to atone, I can sacrifice a virgin or something. ;)

[RETIRED]

,

I'm not referring to the use of expletives just for the sake of it. Sometimes (only sometimes) the use of minor swearing can greatly reinforce the point you are trying to make. It should always be in context and never over the top. If you check my past posts you will find that I live by this theme. I have rarely been edited and once had a post deleted that contained no swearing.

Please don't take what I say as disputing yours and Shane's right to wave the wand as the Mods/Admin's of the Board. A far as I'm concerned it's Neils board and we all use it gratefully for free. He makes the rules (as is his right) and he has seen fit to delegate the responsibility to you guys. You uphold his rules and do a stirling job (if thankless). I was just wondering about the change in attitude. I'm not asking you to justify yourself or anything you do.

For the record , Shane and most of all Neil (and Stuart Lees if you use the Orange Forum) THANKS for your time and effort, it is GREATLY appreciated.

Dan

P.S. If you want me to atone, I can sacrifice a virgin or something. ;)
Dan, I wasn't having a go at anyone in particular. I agree that sometimes minor swear words emphasize a point but unfortunately some seem to put them in willy nilly when there are none needed.

If you know a virgin, don't sacrifice her, send her my way. :D

[Ben from Vic.]

If you know a virgin, don't sacrifice her, send her my way. :D

Remminds me of a joke....

Do you know why Jesus wasn't born in Irland?

They couldn't find three wise men.

Do you know why Jesus wasn't born in England?

They coudn't find a virgin.


;)

[Rowan]

, if we have to have "total" censorship it is worth it just for the ideas and advice that flows on this board. I for one would not be able to butcher the fine wood I have into lumps of junks half as well if it were not for the help of those that frequent this board!!!!!!!!!!

I know u guys have thick skins and are able to put up with a lot of whining and crying, but now and then I reckon positive feedback goes a long way, so keep up the good work




The author of this message is fully aware of how much of a suck he sounds and doesnt care!!!!!!