Dear Diary

[Christopha]

From the cat's diary:

DAY 752 -
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eatdry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going, is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 -
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 -
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 -
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 -
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

[Ben from Vic.]

This series of calanders has had pride of place on our kitchen wall for the last 2 years. :D

[echnidna]

Christopha,
How did you get my cat's diary?

[Iain]

Thanks Ben, it's on our fridge now :D :D

[HappyHammer]

I'm with Ben and Iain, drown them all....

[Robert WA]

I'm with Ben and Iain, drown them all....

Don't drown them.
Flat cats make great mouse pads but it doesn't work if they are wet.

[DavidG]

Caution - do not open if easily offended.
Turn sound on.

http://au.geocities.com/pdg_canberra/Other/cat.mpeg

[Ben from Vic.]

Iain.

Glad you liked it. :D :D :D


DavidG.

Already got it, love it.
Can't believe they made it. :eek: :D :D


Ben.

[Christopha]

David, the link doesn't work..... :confused:

[Christopha]

Now it does, seen it before.... loved it then like it even more now!

nice kitty, sit still kitty......

[LineLefty]

Find it quite strange really, this hatred of cats. They're just doinjg what they instincts tell them. We are the ones who put them in a domestic situation.

Grow up :mad: , thats what I say.

Pow! wham! kaboom! take that!

[silentC]

See, this is what's wrong with society today. You can't have a bit of fun without someone getting offended.

In the old days, you could express your hatred of cats without anyone asking questions. Now, as soon as the subject comes up, there's someone there to tell you you're sick or immature.

Lefty, there's nothing strange about hatred of cats. It's quite common really - more the norm on the male side of the populace. It goes along with hatred of small, yappy dogs and the colour pink. It's the cat lovers that are a bit strange ;)

[Termite]

See, this is what's wrong with society today. You can't have a bit of fun without someone getting offended.

In the old days, you could express your hatred of cats without anyone asking questions. Now, as soon as the subject comes up, there's someone there to tell you you're sick or immature.

Lefty, there's nothing strange about hatred of cats. It's quite common really - more the norm on the male side of the populace. It goes along with hatred of small, yappy dogs and the colour pink. It's the cat lovers that are a bit strange ;)

I love cats, but I couldn't eat a whole one.
Woof
Termite

[Wongo]

I love cats, but I couldn't eat a whole one.
Woof
Termite

Termite,

I love cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.

[Termite]

Sure Wongo, what do you like.
Persian Ragout.
Siamese Green Curry.
Burmese & Basmati Rice.
Tabby Tamales.
Manx Marsala.
Shorthair Soup.
Devon Rex Devon.
Cheshire Chop Suey.

[LineLefty]

SilentC, it's great to know that I am the entire explanation for "whats wrong with society? Why do we always end up on differeng side of arguments?

I'm not actually a cat lover. Actually, I hate the wretched things. Why people have these predators in their backyards is beyond me. They just dont deserve to be drowned, run over etc etc. For every 100ppl that say these things, theres an army officer who does them ;)

We've had a few venture into our backyard, not noticing the sleeping greyhound. Luckily she chases, and then doesnt know what to do next.

[silentC]

SilentC, it's great to know that I am the entire explanation for "whats wrong with society?
Not the 'entire explanation' ;)

Why do we always end up on differeng side of arguments?
Someone's gotta be there, otherwise there'd be no arguments :D

Actually it's because I'm an agumentative mongrel, just ask my wife :rolleyes:

[PAH1]

We've had a few venture into our backyard, not noticing the sleeping greyhound. Luckily she chases, and then doesnt know what to do next.

Try a German Shorthaired Pointer, fast and does not give a if it is bleeding while holding a dead cat in its jaws. We used to have one and the neighbours did not bother to feed or look after their cats, 30 between both sides. Our dog did what he could for mother nature, he also figured he had won if he managed to kill the cat.

[Zed]

I say domestic cats are ok - so long as the bastards are caged. cats beyond thier owners abode should be fair game (as should dogs - sorry).

I've both seen ferals (cats and dogs) in the flesh and the results of thier handiwork - If I could kill 'em all I would without any regrets. I've seen both "grannys tiddles the wondercat" and "The neighbours dog who loves everyone" go ape$hit and cause some serious damage - both of who were destroyed by thier owners!

Is it the blue mountains council that sez a cat more than 200m from its owners premises is to be destroyed ? I think I like that rule although it should be changed to be 1 metre...

Dont get me wrong - I like a little bit of pussy meself...

[Termite]

1. Backyard + Next doors cat = dead birds.
2. Time + Cat + dead birds = no birds.
3. Backyard + Cat Trap + KFC = Trapped Cat.
4. Trapped Cat + Local pound = No cat.
5. Backyard - Cat = Birds.

If they'd only eat Indian Mynahs I'd leave them in peace, but they are smarter than a cat.

I like cats as an animal, but I dont like them killing our birds and native fauna, and if you've ever seen a true feral cat you will know what I mean. (Monstrous Big Bastards).
Kind regards
Termite

[LineLefty]

Try a German Shorthaired Pointer, fast and does not give a if it is bleeding while holding a dead cat in its jaws. We used to have one and the neighbours did not bother to feed or look after their cats, 30 between both sides. Our dog did what he could for mother nature, he also figured he had won if he managed to kill the cat.

I've always liked GSP's but I'd never get one. Walking a dog for 3hrs a day to keep it sane just isnt my idea of fun :)

Our greyhound chases next doors cat, she just doesn't know that she's supposed to grab it and kill it. I guess that comes from the fact that she never caught the electorabbit.

[Termite]

[QUOTE=LineLefty]I've always liked GSP's but I'd never get one. Walking a dog for 3hrs a day to keep it sane just isnt my idea of fun :)

And you've got a greyhound :confused:
regards
Termite

[Christopha]

OY!!! this starrted as a joke, it is still the joke forum..... ENOUGH BLOODY ARGUING AND MORE LAUGHING :mad: .........please :D :D :D

[bitingmidge]

For three days, count them....THREE.. I have tried my very best to be objective, to say nothing......it's no use!!

Which is exactly how one would have to sum up cats.

For those who are interested in conservation, perhaps a visit to
Cooking with John (http://neil.franklin.ch/Usenet/alt.ascii-art/20000109_Cooking_With_John).

Cheers,
:eek: :eek: :eek:
P

[PAH1]

OY!!! this starrted as a joke, it is still the joke forum..... ENOUGH BLOODY ARGUING AND MORE LAUGHING :mad: .........please :D :D :D

I dunno, have you ever seen the look on a cats face as it is being chased realising for once it really has a chase on its hands with a dog who is REALLY after it.

Where's Cliff when you want him

[LineLefty]

[QUOTE=LineLefty]I've always liked GSP's but I'd never get one. Walking a dog for 3hrs a day to keep it sane just isnt my idea of fun :)

And you've got a greyhound :confused:
regards
Termite

It's a common misconception, but Greyhounds actually require about 10minutes of exercise per day. Take them to the park, they chase a ball/stick/poodle/magpie for 10 minutes then they've had it. They'll then lie around and snooze for the next 23hrs 50 minutes. Not like kelpies, GSP's, border collies etc. You need to tie those things to the bloody clothesline to tire them out.

Perfect pet dogs really no barking, no stink, just an unalterable desire to sneak into the shed and steal from bits from the scrap bin and bury 'em, but thats crossing forum interests for me :)

[bitingmidge]

It's a common misconception, but Greyhounds....
No offence Lefty, but since more than one conservation-minded Greyhound trainer has been known to utilise cats in their.. ahem...training regime, it brought to mind the Greyhound Trainer(GT) who was caught in Brisbane's CBC a few years ago at 2.00 am near Albert Park, with 30 or so Possum's in hessian bags in his Corolla wagon.

He was tried and as far as I know found guilty of planning to do unspeakable things to the possums in the course of his training pursuits, but should have been sent home free because of his defence.

He claimed that he had caught all the possums at his place, and was afraid that the dogs might do them some harm (in their 10 active minutes) so had brought them into the city to release them in a place where they could live free from canine predators!

Bless his heart!
P

[Geoff Dean]

I find that they taste a little like Koala, however, you need to marinate the koala just a little bit longer, as they have a gamey taste.

[Geoff Dean]

I should have read the 2nd page of this post before replying.

My last post relates to the recipes for cats.

PAH1 I have 2 weimaraners, similar to GSP's and I find them a very good deterent to cats, you can turn darkness to daylight at 6.00 am in the middle of winter when they find one and corner it. The noise they all make automatically turns on everyones lights for about 2 blocks. It can be very difficult to sneak of trying to drag 2 dogs with you when this happens. :o :o :o

[LineLefty]

No offence Lefty, but since more than one conservation-minded Greyhound trainer has been known to utilise cats in their.. ahem...training regime...........P

You're right bm, some greyhounds are "blooded" which can make them dangerous. But trust me, you wouldnt see one of these as a pet in someones home. They end up dead, dumped with their ID tatooed ears cut off. :mad:

It's a horrible industry, only a few dogs get adopted, the rest get snuffed, not to mention the puppies that never make the grade.............. :(

Aside from these few cases though you'll find that greyhounds are about as far from aggressive or viscious as you could possible get.

As for possums, twas the strangest thing to be driving aroudn new zealand and seeing roadkill possums EVERYWHERE. I'm used to having foreign pests in Australia, not australia pests in other countries. :confused:

[ernknot]

Turn em all into Davey Crockett hats I say!

[Iain]

Wouldn't they scratch your head though or do you use domesticated possums? :D

[ernknot]

No you gotta break the ribs near the spine and it's ok

[PAH1]

Turn em all into Davey Crockett hats I say!

Chad Morgan fan I see

[HappyHammer]

I'm used to having foreign pests in Australia, not australia pests in other countries. :confused:
I've seen you Aussie buggers backpacking all over the world.....:D :D :D

[Christopha]

A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat as a
friend. One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting; she had been
unable to pay the electric bill. So, she went up to the attic and got
an old oil lamp from her childhood. As she rubbed it clean a genie
appeared and allowed her three wishes.

"First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money again."

"Second, I want to be young and beautiful again."

"And last, I want you to change my little cat into a handsome prince."

*POOF*

As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of coins,
and that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She turned as the
handsome prince walked in the door, held her in his arms and said, "Now
I'll bet you're sorry you took me to the vet for that little
operation"