Never enough hours in the day.

[kman-oz]

It's five minutes to midnight, figuratively speaking, and LOML is almost completely sick of having swollen feet and not being able to do anything. She's already left work and is just waiting for the inevitable dash off to the hospital in anticipation of our new daughters welcome. Cheerfulness and celebration then? ...Perhaps not.

I'll admit that I'm prone to depression - I certainly have a family history of clinical depression - but I'm doing my utmost to be up-beat and generally positive in the face of subtle, yet increasing, feminine hostility. There just seems to be too much to do and not nearly enough of me to do it all.

Give me a 30 hour day in which I might make some noise without interrupting anyone's sleep and life would seem far easier, I'm sure. Between work, domestic duties and those chores which the good wife can no longer perform, it's now 18 hours since I woke and there's no opportunity to make any actual progress on anything. The weekends seem to be consumed with chasing our 2 year old son while LOML catches up on the rest she's missed during the week.

Making matters worse is the growing list of domestic items that need to be addressed, the lack of funds to hire tradesmen to do them, and the more acute lack of time to do anything about it. It is on this that my otherwise very accommodating partner is now focusing her hormonal rage, which serves only to make me feel more guilty about the situation than I already feel.

Of course, following the delivery there will be less time to do anything and very likely she will be off her feet entirely for at least a week. It's at this point that I'll have to return to work and take up all of the domestic doings around the place. Of course, I'm more than happy to do all of this, and more, if only there was the time...

In a couple of months the four of us will probably have settled into a routine and I'll have forgotten all about this. That is, for course, as long as the Deck and Pergola get finished... :C

Dave.

[Waldo]

Life would be so much simpler if a bloke just had a dog and a shed. :sigh:

:console:

[m2c1Iw]

Chin up mate, your post reminds me of the time I drove the wife and second child (first daughter) home from hospital. I'd been looking after myself for a week, number one son was being cared for by the MIL during the day so with the impending return I set about cleaning the house washing nappies yep it was a long time ago and generally spucing things up.

Now I thought I'd done a sweet job of things but when she walked into the house first thing she did was launch into me about the state of the place. :-

Don't worry it will get better....... in about 20 years bite your tongue in the mean time........................ then menopause sets in. :D

Mike

[Gingermick]

Vasectomies look suprisingly good after all that.

[Woodwould]

Condoms might have been an idea - well at least until you have all your other shi stuff together.

I'm sure many other members have been through the same or worse. My youngest's kids are school age and I can barely remember my own 'baby days' other than washing and hanging out dozens of white nappies.

It's what you signed up for; grin and bear it!

[rhancock]

Dave, I'm in the same boat, but 4 months further on, and we're onto number 3. The last 4 months have been the hardest, since our third was born. I have a list in my diary, of jobs that need doing. Every year I transfer it to next years diary, some things have been on there for 5 years! Those will never get done, but it does mean, once its written down, I can stop worrying about it. I don't think there's any cure for hormones though, or sleep deprivation.

On the upside, I'm lucky that my wife agreed to let some of the small stuff slide - the house rarely looks clean (although our only luxury is to play a neighbour to come and clean for a couple of hours a fortnight). We've just started ironing again after six months of screwed up shirts. The two older kids can now order their own dinners at the drive through at half a dozen different places.

The only thing to do really is to grin and bear it. Remember it will end. Life will get better again. Just try not to do anything which will leave long term scars - physical or mental. F8ck its hard, though! And I crossed 5 jobs off my list this week, first time its got shorter in at least a year. And the kids haven't had maccas for several weeks now.

Keep venting on the forum!

And, I understand the depression thing. Dad's gone through it all his life, and I feel it, but so far, I've been able to keep it at bay, but sometimes I think the fear of depression is building up the pressure. My best strategy is to try and keep control over stuff, which is why I write lists - keeps it all somewhere other than circling in my head.

Oh, and don't forget to ask for help. I'd offer, but I'm in the wrong city...

[kevjed]

Hang in there mate.
I have now accepted that nothing i do will be enough to please SWMBO.
As wonderful as it is, ...its tough some times.
You have changed the world forever with having children. You have been blessed with the gift of life...
Enjoy it every day and know that your family love you...now and always.
Shed time will come again one day.
All the best
Kev
ps give me a call if you ever want to compare notes....now if I just had a little more time in the day...

[artme]

Life would be so much simpler if a bloke just had a dog and a shed. :sigh:

:console:

Now there's a thought.:D:D:D:oo:

[Sebastiaan56]

Dave,

Like you and a lot of others I have been through it as well. So I know what its like, Im with you and yes its tough. The best bit is that it doesnt last. It will be over eventually and then something else will come along.....

[kman-oz]

Thanks all for your comments folks. As you may have guessed this post was just a little self therapy; something I've learned to do rather than let it build up. Occasionally it's easier to talk to anonymous people about this stuff too, rather than friends or family.

Richard, I think your list idea is extremely valid. Regardless of whether anything actually gets done I really need to get it all out of my head! Thanks!

Kev, I've been wanting to catch up with you and a few others for ages. I was going to have another BBQ last summer.... maybe this summer? ... don't hold your breath. :D

Dave.

[Waldo]

Hang in there mate.
I have now accepted that nothing i do will be enough to please SWMBO.

There's an understatement.


As wonderful as it is, ...its tough some times. Yep.


You have changed the world forever with having children. You have been blessed with the gift of life... Heck yeah :2tsup:

[jimbur]

And then the grandchildren:D
cheers,
Jim

[ToothFairy]

Ah, but you get to give the grandchildren back!:D

- Michael

[tea lady]

Just remember that with this stage, and especially with kids, it is only a stage and will be different soon. Are you getting help for the depression you could be suffering with. It is extra pressures that can make things worth with things like that. And I guess SWMBO is also being kept an eye on for pre and/or post natal depression.

Chin up man. Just do the things that REALLY need doing, so the baby at least has somewhere to sleep. And take the wife out to a movie or something. I'll come and babysit if you are within 1/2 hour drive of Belgrave.:cool:I mean it. Just PM me. :)

This last bit is the hardest, and seems to take the longest, as time slows down that last week before the birth. As you prolly know from the first time round. She'll be right mate.:2tsup:

[kman-oz]

Dead right about the wife being watched very closely, she suffered a little after the first one so I know the signs. As for the things that *really* need doing, I'll be putting a quick coat of paint on a chest of drawers and the nursery is finished.

Very kind offer, but Belgrave -> Laverton :no: I have a customer in Monbulk, I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to make that trip, though once I'm out of the city it's fun.

Waiting with bated breath. :U

[Groggy]

Hi Dave, life comes at you in waves and you learn to brace yourself after a while. Take things one at a time and decide what your priorities are, then deal with them first.

If you need a hand to get things done then let me know, I'm just up the road, also, I hear it isn't going to rain over Christmas :rolleyes:

[rsser]

What kind of communication do you have with the missus? Some of what you're feeling should be shared if poss.

And clinical depression is not something that you can will yourself out of. If you have it you need help.

If not, get a dog to kick. .... (just joking). Carve out a bit of fun time for yourself. All work and no play is a pox. Try to spin a new attitude to make play out of some of the stuff that would be good to have an outcome on anyway.

FWIW I've found regular heart pounding exercise a good natural anti-downer. Doesn't take long; creates energy and clears the mind.

[jimbur]

What kind of communication do you have with the missus? Some of what you're feeling should be shared if poss.

And clinical depression is not something that you can will yourself out of. If you have it you need help.

If not, get a dog to kick. .... (just joking). Carve out a bit of fun time for yourself. All work and no play is a pox. Try to spin a new attitude to make play out of some of the stuff that would be good to have an outcome on anyway.

FWIW I've found regular heart pounding exercise a good natural anti-downer. Doesn't take long; creates energy and clears the mind.

Perfect advice.
Cheers, Jim

[kman-oz]

And clinical depression is not something that you can will yourself out of. If you have it you need help.

That's not entirely true actually. Clinical depression can encompass various forms, including the form I was diagnosed with in my teens; Dysthymia. My initial therapy was medication based but didn't help much. After 12 months I elected to seek treatment from a phsycologist, which was considerably more effective. The key in my case was to attempt to gain power over my circumstances any way I could. Talking about it helps, sharing it on a public forum helps, little nuggets of wisdom like the one from Richard helps too.

I've just start cycling again after a break over winter, this will help too.

As for sharing with the missus, she's got more than enough on her plate at the moment. Under normal cirumstances this would never have even come up. These are, as you might expect, abnormal circumstances. :)


If you need a hand to get things done then let me know, I'm just up the road, also, I hear it isn't going to rain over Christmas :rolleyes:

That's a very kind offer Greg. I think I'll basically put everything on hold for a couple of months anyway and just do the bare essentials like everyone's suggesting. Fix the leaking tap, replace the sticky lock on the door, leave the deck until I have spare time... that sort of thing.

[hughie]

The simplest advice I can give is that 'all things come to pass' and pass they do.

I have had my share of ups and downs with family and friends, Death, suicide, drugs,divorce, deportation and so on.

All of which have come and gone. One trick I have learnt that does help to remember and do.

Is that no matter how bad things are theres some poor blighter out there worse off.

The other look around for some body you can help, fix the your elderly neighbours fence or what ever assistance you can render to those around you.

This has a twofold effect of getting your thoughts off your problems and really gives somebody else a lift.

I have done this for most of my life and it works.

[kman-oz]

*Insert large sigh of relief here*

Happily our beautiful daughter was born happy and healthy with ten fingers and ten toes on the 20th of November. All went reasonably well and aside from a mandatory stay in the ward we were home quickly and settling in. LOML is healing very well and is back to almost full capacity, considerably more quickly than I expected too. Try as I might I haven't been able to restrict her to light duties.... willful beasts, women.

Believe it or not I actually got outside and made some progress on the entertainment area for the first time in months! First day back at work today and I'm looking forward to coming home to a full house :)

Thanks for listening folks!

Dave.

[rhancock]

Woohoo! Congratulations! Of course, without pictures, it didn't happen!

There's always plenty of people on this forum ready to support you, so just yell out - whatever the issue. Our current issue with our 5 month old is constipation, the cure for which apparently is a finger stuck where the sun don't shine!

[kman-oz]

Been there too, very pleasant. There are plenty of good dietary fibre suppliments for infants, though the trouble can be getting it down them.

[kevjed]

Well done and pleased to hear things are looking up.
Speak to you soon.
Kevin

[Groggy]

Great news Dave, congratulations :2tsup:

[Enfield Guy]

Congratulations. It's all ahead of you. Stay safe and keep smiling.

Cheers